If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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