Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
