He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
