I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
