So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
