I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
