the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize