Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
