She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
