Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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