jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
