Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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