Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
