After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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