Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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