we made out on top of his cat.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
