can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
