he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
