I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize