I hate your face
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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