okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
