Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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