If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
