the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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