Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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