so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Your penis caused this!
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