I'm lost and stupid without you.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
