Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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