This is not my ceiling
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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