I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
