remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
