the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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