she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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