...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
