Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
