"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
