im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize