I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
