yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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