Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
