oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
