So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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