Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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