what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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