His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize