dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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