Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
