worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize