I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize