Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
