it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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