we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Randomize
