4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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