I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
