New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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