dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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