you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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