Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
