Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Mom said you looked used
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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