Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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