In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
