Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i think i have herpe
just one?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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