Duck Duck Cougar?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
