Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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