Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I need water and some morals
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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