How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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