i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
stop calling my apartment porn island.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
