Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize