Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
