I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
